Forgiving each other can be hard at times, especially when we have been hurt deeply. This post is meant to offer some help.
Over the last year I have addressed this matter in a sermon, in some articles, which I wrote, and at the beginning of this year also at the National Youth Convention which had as theme "Loving your neighbour as yourself."
"Forgiving one another..."
To forgive
one another can be hard at times. However, at the same time I wonder why this is, especially when looking
at the fact that
each day again we may rejoice in God forgiving us our sins. Should joy
in this great miracle not bear as fruit that we become also more ready to forgive one another? If
not, why is this? I realise at
times the hurt caused by people can leave scars for life, especially in cases
of physical or emotional abuse, or other instances where trust has been broken
so much so that we may wonder whether this ever can be restored again. The result
can be that bitterness takes hold of us, so that we no longer want to forgive
someone for the hurt he or she has caused us.
How do we overcome this bitterness – this
grudge that we hold? Should we simply try to forget what has happened and move
on with life, in the meantime avoiding all contact? No matter how hard we might
try, often this simply does not work. Deep down it still seems to be eating us
away, especially when the name of the person concerned is mentioned or when we
meet him or her, even in passing.
In a book that I
read when dealing with this subject, I came across the following statement: “If we choose not to forgive those who have
hurt us, we put ourselves under their control. If we are under
their control,
we cannot be free for God to heal us and set us free.”
Though this statement has some Arminian tendency, there is a lot of truth in
it. As long we keep harbouring bitterness towards certain people, somehow they
still control our life. We will
never feel completely free, unless by God’s grace we can let go of it. To phrase this in a slightly different way, unless
we learn to understand what grace actually means, i.e. unless we see the
miracle of grace, we will continue struggling with forgiving one another.
Hence, the point
is do we really understand what grace is. We are saved by grace. However, do we really understand these words and does it
cause us daily to stand in awe of it.
Through faith in Jesus Christ I am righteous
before God, which means – Answer 60, HC – God imputes to us the perfect
satisfaction, righteousness, and holiness of Christ, to the extent that God
sees us now, “as if I had never committed
any sin, and as if I myself had accomplished
all the obedience which Christ rendered for me.” When reading these words,
one starts wondering, "Really, LORD?"
It makes me stand in awe of God’s forgiveness – a miracle indeed. Standing in awe of this miracle will also help
us to forgive one another. After all, who am I who have been forgiven so much,
that I would be unwilling to forgive my neighbour? For a moment think of the parable of the unforgiving servant. The apostle Peter has asked the Lord Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Peter thought seven times is already quite something. In response, Jesus says to Peter, forgiving is not a matter of mathematics, but it has to come from the heart. Not seven times, but seventy times seven, i.e. endlessly.
Summarizing all this, for a start when asking
God for forgiveness we must always do so fully aware of the greatness of our debt
towards God. This awareness will help us in forgiving our neighbour. Then,
because of the hurt we are feeling, this might be difficult. However, we will
only receive true inward peace when we let go of our bitterness and hatred, and
give them over to God. We can do this only by power from above.
Then it might be that because of what has
happened full trust will never be restored. Yet giving it to God will free us
from bitterness in our hearts. We can look the other in the eye again, knowing
we did what God wanted us to do. That’s what counts. Let us never make
forgiving our neighbour dependant on the reaction we might receive. I can
extend the hand of forgiveness regardless whether the other wants to accept it
or not.
I would like to note that forgiving my
neighbour does not mean – when from their side there is no repentance – that I
should forgive them the things they did wrong. Yet I can forgive them the
emotional hurt that they caused me, so that this hurt is no longer eating away at me. The truth is, if we don’t do this, somehow the person who has hurt us
still has us under his control. Whenever we see him or her, we cringe and feel
uneasy. However, Christ wants to set us free also of those feelings.
That’s why He says in the Sermon on the Mount
that to receive the full blessing of forgiveness of sin, we must also be
willing to forgive one another. If you find it difficult to do so, pray for
strength from above. After all, none of us can do this in our own strength. So
cry it out before God. If you do so sincerely, God will provide. Trust in Him.
That’s what faith is all about. It’s clinging to something that we cannot see
with the physical eye, like jumping off a cliff and still believing God’s
mighty arms are underneath us.
I wish you all God's blessing, also in living harmony with your neighbour, loving him as yourself!
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