Marriage under attack

MARRIAGE UNDER ATTACK[i]

The battle is on

 

Within Australian society, many groups are determined to redefine what constitutes marriage. This should be of deep concern to all of us, since if we let it go it will eventually destroy the very foundations of our society.

At present, the Australian law states that marriage is one man and one woman being committed to each other for life. However, at present there is a drive to change this law, in order to make allowance for same-sex marriages. From a Scriptural perspective, this change means the destruction of marriage as God intended. However, can we force this view on a society that has become increasingly more secular and is losing its Christian character; a society in which the church has become an institution moved to the fringes, a dwindling minority of people who still claim that the Bible should be the rule for life in all its facets? Having become a minority, can we force people to obey God’s law?

 I would like to state that people who think that we have no right to do this have the wrong perception, because the world we live in is God’s world. Satan may play havoc destroying what God intended good from the beginning, but he has no rightful claim on this world. This world is still God’s world. We often forget about this.

Moreover, since this world is God’s world, this also means that God’s law is not just a law for a particular group of people, but a law for all men, to ‘make the simple wise’. Obeying God’s wholesome commandments for life will only cause society to flourish. Many examples of history could be given here. Hence, when as a minority group we plead for obedience to God’s law, it’s not forcing our opinion, but seeking the good for the society we live in.

 Scripture highlight the beauty of marriage as God intended. Just a few references:

 Gen 1: 26-27

In Gen. 1: 26 -27 it reads, “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

I would like to highlight the last words of vs. 27, “in the image of God He created him,” – singular. Then “male and female He created them,” – plural. This does not mean that God created two separate people at that time, since in vs. 27 the words ‘male’ and ‘female’ are adjectives. In his book ‘Emancipation and the Bible’ Prof. J. VanBruggen writes, “God created man in His image in such a way that neither a society of only men nor a society of only women can show the image of God completely.” (p. 55) In more practical terms this means God created man male and female, so that in complementing each other man was able to fulfil the cultural mandate, recorded in Gen. 1, 28

 I would like to note that this applies not only to marriage, where husband and wife complement each other in fulfilling this mandate, but it also applies to society as a whole; male and female complement each other in fulfilling the cultural mandate. I fear that this is something that is disappearing in today’s society. At present, any job advertised needs to be advertised M/F, otherwise the company might be sued for discrimination. According to today’s standards, there should be complete equality; for example, women have the same rights as men to fight in the frontline of combat zone or to work at a crane at a high-rise building block, whilst males have the same rights as females in applying for a teaching job at a kindergarten. This way of thinking denies that God created male and female differently, not only physically, but also emotionally and hormonally. When Scripture speaks about the wife as the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3, 7), it has nothing to do with the wife being inferior to the husband. It only means that God created her in a different way in order that in marriage she could complement her husband with her typical female characteristics. Again, this equally applies to society as a whole. By nature, women have a more nurturing character than males, whilst generally males are stronger than females. That’s why in sporting events, for example, male and female compete in different competitions. At events like these, no one seems to worry about inequality!

In summary, even in society we should uphold what God created good also in the difference between male and female. We should oppose the strong drive of the emancipation movement for equal rights by making clear the beauty of the gender difference, which God created to cause society to flourish.

Gen. 2: 18-23

In Gen. 2 we read that God instituted marriage in a wonderful way by first making Adam feel lonely, causing him to long for a helper next to him like all the other creatures. It is after this episode that we read in Gen. 2: 21-22, “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.” Thus, also man received a helper fit for him; a helper to make man complete, so that as male and female together they could fulfil the mandate God had given them.

Many have deduced from this passage that marriage primarily solves the problem of relational loneliness. Yet when reading the passage of Gen. 2 in its context, the picture is much broader. Adam was fulfilling the mandate God had given him by tending and keeping the garden and also in giving names to all the animals. In fulfilling this cultural mandate, Adam now receives a helper, so that in marriage man and woman can be a help and support to each other in serving God.

Marriage thus is an institution of which God Himself is the Author. This also lifts marriage above the level of a culturally determined phenomenon. It is has nothing to do with ‘a certain culture in a certain time’ that people get married. Instead, marriage is an institution of God.

Gen.  2: 24

Therefore, vs. 24, “… a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” These last words refer to more than just sexual unity. Instead, they refer to a unity determining everything within the marriage relationship. I think here of what the Form for the Solemnization of Marriage mentions as the first purpose of a marriage in the Lord, “Husband and wife shall live together in sincere love and holiness, helping each other faithfully in all things that belong to this life and the life to come.” In other words, we are there for one another. To phrase this even stronger – we each put the other first.

Gen. 3: 16

When continuing our reading in the Book of Genesis we see that man’s fall into sin affected also the institution of marriage. Before the fall, husband and wife had no shame for each other, even though they were naked. I would like to note that the word ‘naked’ in this context refers to more than not wearing any clothes. It refers more deeply to being able to bare one’s soul, being able to open up to each other without any shame, without being scared to be let down by the other: a full harmonious relationship.

Next, in Gen. 3: 7 we read, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.” This verse shows that because of sin the relationship between Adam and Eve was no longer as harmonious as before. This becomes clear also when Adam starts blaming his wife for what had happened. Compare Ch. 2: 23 with Ch. 3: 12.

Regarding the consequences of sin, I would like to point to the curse spoken by God in Gen. 3: 16, “To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.” From this verse and the following we learn that the woman may still fulfil the task God had given her, but because of sin it will now involve pain and sorrow. The same applied to the man. Concerning the words, “he shall rule over you,” these words point to the shadow of sin, where the husband lords it over his wife in a tyrannical way. Yet the wife from her side will try to dominate the husband, “your desire shall be for your husband.” This desire has nothing to do with a sexual desire, but with the desire to take the husband’s place, denying the order set by God. In summary, Gen. 3: 16 highlights that the battle of the sexes as we have seen them throughout history is a consequence of sin. What God had created as a wonderful institution will from now on be overshadowed by man’s own sinful desires.

Eph. 5: 22 - 33

Yet – and this bring me to the next passage of Scripture I would like to mention – in Christ there is assured restoration of marriages overshadowed by the consequences of sin. In Eph. 5: 32 the apostle Paul speaks about the unity of husband and wife as a profound mystery, reflecting the relationship between Christ and His church. When reading this whole passage, it shows that the headship of the husband has nothing to do with the husband lording it over his wife. On the contrary, within a Christian marriage a husband doesn’t mind to make sacrifices out of love for his wife, thus reflecting the love of Christ for His church. Within such a relationship it will never be difficult for a wife to be subject to her husband, knowing that she may feel as safe with him as the church feels safes with Christ.

Surely, also within a Christian marriage all this will be darkened by sins and shortcomings. Sin remains part of every marriage relationship. However, when husband and wife find each other at the foot of the cross, they are able to continue their relationship, even when there are difficult days to number.

We can conclude that marriage is a wonderful institution created by God in a beautiful way. Because of what happened in Paradise, marriage is overshadowed by sin. Yet in Christ, there is restoration for any brokenness within marriage.

 

The influence of secular thinking

When looking at the attacks on marriage in today’s society, I would like to note that as such there is nothing new under the sun. The evils of today’s society were equally found in Sodom and Gomorrah as well as in Rome and Corinth. In the ancient world of Paul’s day, living like a Corinthian meant living out your sexual desires in the most perverse way.

As far as Western Society is concerned, a dramatic change took place in the Sixties and Seventies of the previous century, in what was known as the Sexual Revolution. The main contributor to this change was the birth control pill, which separated procreation from the act of lovemaking. Man separated what God had put together in such a beautiful way. Man wanted to satisfy his own desires without having to think about how God wanted him to live. The result was that sexual intercourse became rather a matter of having sex than an expression of the intimate loving unity of husband and wife. The birth control pill also freed women to have sex whenever and with whomever they wanted. Many in the feminist movement welcomed sexual freedom as an important expansion of women’s right.

There were more contributing factors promoting total sexual freedom, as man wanted it.

Harry Schaumburg, in his book Undefiled^[ii], writes the following. “Further developments in the revolution were the blending of anti-establishment and anti-war ideas that resulted in popular slogans like “make love, not war” and “do your own thing.” The sexual revolution changed sexuality into a celebration of sexual love as an end in itself and available to anyone, single or married. Coupled with the cult of self-fulfilment and complete personal autonomy, the result is that divorce increases and more and more young adults live together outside marriage.”^[iii]

In the same context, he also writes, “When sexual relationships go outside the standard of one man and one woman, and one woman with one man, sexually transmitted disease will logically increase. The sexual revolution continues to this day with efforts of gays, lesbians, and transgendered to redefine traditional norms of sexuality.”^[iv]

What makes things even worse is that the media portray all this as innocent, as though there’s nothing wrong with it. With the respect to the sexualisation of today’s society, the influence of the media is indeed enormous, both via the TV as well as via the internet. Schaumburg writes, “In the old days if you wanted some impersonal sex, you at least had to drive to a certain part of town or to go to a bar and hope to be picked up. Now no one has to leave the home and you can feed your lust every night if you want!”^[v]

He continues this paragraph as follows, “Our situation is desperate as sexual standards continue to change at a rapid speed and godlessness spreads. In unison, humanity in one loud rebellious temper tantrum seems to scream, “Satisfy my lust now!” And as always been the case, greed and technology rise to the occasion.^[vi]

 At present, there is a lot of focus on the drive to legalise same-sex marriages. Yet I would like to note that not only the redefinition of marriage is at stake and should concern us. In addition I also think of the matter of homosexuality as such, divorce, a de-facto relationship, living together without being married, as well as an engaged couple having sex before marriage. All these issues are related. In every instance, it disconnects what God has put together. God’s wholesome commandments for life are trampled under feet and in the process, the very foundations of society are destroyed. Man lives for self-fulfilment, our lusts have to be fulfilled. Yet God is no longer honoured.

 In his book, Schaumburg refers to a British anthropologist who studied 86 cultures spanning 5000 thousand years of human history and who found that, without exception, culture thrives when they restrict sex to marriage. He also found that no culture survived more than three generations after disregarding that standard.^[vii] May God have mercy that Australia will not follow that way.

What can we do to counteract this secular thinking

Live by example

In counteracting this secular thinking, first we should show in our own personal life that we appreciate marriage as a precious gift of God. We need to live by example, radiating to others the beauty of marriage – also in the way we speak about marriage. Let me just list a few points.

-          How do we speak about our spouse in the presence of others and also how do we treat her or him in the presence of others? Do we radiate personally that we marvel at this great gift of God and are thankful for what God has given us in our spouse?

-          Also when being together in the presence of others, do we radiate the joy of a good marriage relationship? Do we radiate that unconditional, self-denying, total love for each other, also in little things when attending an official function, a reception or some other event?

-          Finally, how do we speak about sex? Do we join in laughing when marriage is joked about in a degenerating way, or in instances like these do we dare to stand up for marriage as a holy institution that is not to be joked about? In this context, I also think of wedding parties. Do our sketches always reflect the holiness of marriage, so that also unbelieving work-mates present at such a party can feel that we treat marriage as a wonderful institution, in which husband and wife may complement each other in the most beautiful way, sharing their love for one another embedded in their mutual love towards God?

 

I think here is where it starts – similar to all Christian living – living by example: how do we portray marriage as a couple? Can people see in our marriage how great it is: one man and one woman bound together by unconditional self-denying love for each other?

 

Shine as stars

Secondly, when the opportunity arises, when God causes people to cross our path, do we dare to speak about marriage as a wonderful institution, making them think? I can vividly remember a trip to Tasmania, where I would be leading a marriage enrichment camp. En route to Melbourne, where I had a stopover, I was sitting next to female who was well up in the corporate world. In our conversation she asked me about my work and my trip to Tasmania. I told her about the marriage enrichment camp and from there on we had a very animated discussion about marriage as God intended. It was wonderful occasion to witness.

I use this example to demonstrate that we should make use of occasions where we can speak with others about the blessing of marriage and also how we rejoice in this wonderful gift of God. I realise this will only be possible when personally we have a good marriage relationship and thank God every day for what He has given us in our spouse. Then the mouth will speak from the fullness of the heart and we don’t mind to show it as well when we are together in the presence of others. Then we will always speak with respect about one another, treating each other accordingly.

 

Addressing those who have influence in ruling our country

We should also use the opportunities to address those who have influence in ruling our country, not only about the redefinition of marriage as such, but also about the motives behind it. You could point to the sexual revolution as mentioned before and what a detrimental effect this had on society. Point also to the consequences it will lead to. Don’t hesitate to stress that the sexualisation of today’s society will destroy the very foundations of our society, as history has shown very clearly. It was eating away the very foundation of the Roman Empire and so it is eating away at today’s Western Society.

 Let me finish with a quote from a recent sermon, which I delivered in a series of sermons on the ABC of faith. This series has as theme ‘how to live our faith’. An active verb is allocated to each letter of the alphabet. In a sermon dealing with the letter S, I spoke about the theme “Shine as stars” and I concluded this sermon as follows, “As church, we have a word for the world. Let us then truly be a beacon, shining stars not just on Sunday but every day of the week. This dark world needs this light. Let it not be our fault that they can’t see this light, but let us shine it brightly like stars lighting up the dark sky. May the LORD help us all to be such stars, shining brightly!”

 

This surely applies also to the subject of marriage.

 

 

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[i] Speech delivered at the AGM 2011 of ARPA (Association for Reformed Political Action)

[ii] Harry Schaumburg, Undefiled: Redemption from sexual sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships (Chicago, IL, Moody Publishers, 2009)

[iii] Page 26

[iv] Page 26

[v] Page 27

[vi] Page 27

[vii] Daniel Heimbach, True Sexual Morality: Recovering Biblical Standards for a Culture of Crisis (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2004) 345-48